Penance
by hollybolly713
Summary: Every time she thought about him, which had been quite frequently lately, she felt like a hypocrite. It's time to swallow her pride. Tags to "SWAK" and "Twilight", but Kate survives. Oneshot, Tate in the end.


_A/N: Hey everyone, thanks for giving the story a try, I hope you enjoy it!_

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, but sometimes I pretend to make myself feel better.**

Kate was glad that it could be disguised as a brother-sister relationship. She brought up that fact enough times to make him believe that it was true, but not enough times to make him think that she was trying to hide something. She knew the perfect balance, and was very good at creating it, after her profiling training.

But the truth was, she didn't know if Tony acted like he did around Kate around other woman, but Kate knew _she_ didn't the same way around other _men. _It was partly because of manners; she wouldn't start arguing with a man she had just met. But the rest was something she didn't want to think about. That wasn't going well for her, because lately she had been thinking about it more frequently.

Tony kind of intimidated her.

For some reason she felt inferior around him; scared that what he would do or say next would make her think about him a different way - she didn't even want to put it into better words, it disgusted her so much. She could hide it easily around him - and the rest of the team - by antagonizing him, taunting him about everything he said.

The moment she looked at him, standing on Airforce One, she saw something that got truer every time they worked in the field together.

She saw potential.

She looked at his face and didn't see a hint of focus, but looking at his body and the way he moved, she recognized something she had noticed in her male counterparts. Usually, she would have ignored it; it was something she saw everyday. But it was brought to attention when a few moments later she noticed something else in him that got truer every time they were in the _office. _The moment he said, _"Brain fart," _she saw immaturity.

It was a disappointment to say the least, and at that point she didn't really want to see him again. Although he wasn't as infuriating as the older looking man, who was pretending to assist the ME, and had intruded into the investigation with such an arrogance that she wanted to shoot him. She remembered voicing this urge out loud.

After Gibbs had offered her the job, she had forgotten that she would be working with Tony, until she saw his familiar shape strolling through the field to convince the security guards that she was part of NCIS.

This was the sixth time this week that she had let this train of thought roam her mind - she had counted. The statistic really worried her, because then Tony would say something normal, but her poisoned state of mind would take it as something more, and she wouldn't be able to go back to her regular self.

She couldn't help feeling guilty that she antagonized him just because she was scared of his charm. It wasn't his fault; it was just who Tony was. Her tries to keep flashbacks out of her mind failed, as her mind traveled back to the latest times she had been cruel to him.

"_Oh, Kate, I'm sorry."_ It was one of the few times he was actually being genuine, and what did she say back?

"_I am going to make your life HELL."_

Sure, she had her reasons for rejecting Tony's jokes and constant flirting. She was so used to doing it, she couldn't even give him credit when he was being honest.

Later, she runs to Ducky, crying. _"He's dying, Ducky."_  
How two-faced.

And after she admits out loud that she misses him to McGee, when he comes back to work after two weeks, she ignores him.

Later _that_ day, when the car explodes, she is the first one to scream his name.

All because she insists that it's better for the both of them.

Enough.

She will swallow her pride.

When her feet switch from standing on the cold metal floor of the elevator to stepping on the tiled floor of the lobby, Kate looked out at the room. Gibbs had just advanced in front of her and Tony, walking through the exit, and Tony continued to chat away about the frequency of his dates lately. Hopefully she was making it obvious enough that she wasn't paying attention.

"Tony," she started, a tone in her voice that explains exactly what's going through her head, but could be mistaken as annoyance.

Tony finally shut his mouth. Kate was about to continue when the stern voice of their boss resounded into the lobby from outside.

"Will you guys be here in an hour or will I have to do this by myself?"

As they quickened their pace, Kate decided that there must be a better time.

She sighed as she walked into autopsy, realizing that there never really will be a time when Tony is alone. It was later in the day now, almost time to head home. She watched him converse with Ducky and Jimmy, wondering why she was even doing this.

"Tony," she called, waving her hand to motion him to come. No, it has to come from her mouth. Tony deserves to hear it, after all this time.

"What's up?" he asked after he strolled over, his hands in his pockets.

Kate could feel Ducky and Jimmy's eyes on them. "Um, Tony... I have to apologize."

"For interrupting me earlier when I was trying to explain-"

She let out a groan, but instantly regretted it. "No, seriously." She looked up at him and saw that he was really paying attention. It was an unfamiliar look on his face, one that they rarely shared. She sighed, and continued. "For every time I've crossed the line. I'm sorry."

After shifting her eyes back and forth from the floor and Tony's face, Kate turned on her heels and walked away.

Tony shared some looks with Ducky and Palmer before following her out.

She was a few feet ahead of him, so he walked slowly to increase the margin. He didn't want to make it all awkward for either of them.

As her words echoed in his mind, he thought back to yesterday.

"_I dunno,"_ McGee said, _"I think it may be something more."_

"_Me and Kate?"_ Tony asked, laughing. _"Would never happen."_

Him and Kate together? Oh, God. He couldn't even picture it: them at a restaurant or at the movies, Kate leaning on his shoulder and Tony whispering in her ear. He rewinded to their past conversations. They had one earlier that day, before he had found a snake at her feet. They had several conversations in the negative pressure room with the blue lights. He remembered how she had stayed with him. Why did she have to be so loyal? They could fight with each other until their heads were ready to explode, and as soon as one of them was in danger, they'd be right there, on their six.

He liked it that way, and didn't want to change it. Even if he did, how could he? He guessed that Kate probably didn't want to change it, either. She knew him too well, knew too much about his playboy life. She would never make a mistake like that.

He knew he would screw up if he had the chance to be with her.

"_Why not?"_ McGee asked.

"_She's too smart for that."_

Everyday, Tony saw couples walking down the street, holding hands. During his cases, he saw married couples with families. Each time he witnessed an intimate moment, it did create a feeling of regret and the reason he fought that urge couldn't simply be put as, "I don't want to grow up."

Even if the urge _was_ strong enough, he didn't think he was ready enough to go searching for that kind of life. Living like a playboy was much easier than trying to find your soulmate and losing several times. He didn't like feeling hurt, and he had avoided it ever since Wendy had ended _their_ relationship.

When he saw her walked into the elevator, he realized he'd have to take the same one up as her. He followed her in, and stood as she pressed the floor button and waited for the doors to close.

He wished he could voice exactly what he was thinking. He really couldn't think of an incident when she'd honestly crossed the line with the teasing, and he wanted to assure her of that.

The small smile she gave him when he looked down at her gave him a weird feeling. She looked too matured when she did it, too sophisticated. It reminded him of the way he looked at her when they first met, while she was in the Secret Service. Weren't they friends, pals, buds? Suddenly the room turned cold, and the two of them silently waited until the bulky doors opened and stepped out.

Watching his fellow team members make their way to their assigned desks, in _silence_, McGee was more than a little curious. Maybe something happened in the elevator. He considered piping up about it, but decided against it. He knew they would just deny it, and later accuse him of being nosy.

Tony looked at his computer screen, trying to remember what Ducky and Palmer had even told him. It was something about closing the case and letting the evidence go to court, he knew that. But he couldn't seem to generate anything else out of his memory before he saw McGee eyeing the both of them suspiciously.

"Hey McNosy," Tony said, turning to him. "What's going through that bowling ball of a head of yours?"

McGee felt his head's shape with his palms, wondering if Tony was right, and also mentally noting that he didn't even have to say anything for Tony to accuse him of being snoopy.

Kate was glad that Tony didn't further comment about her apology. She hoped it would stay that way forever, until she saw Tony's figure moving across the bullpen.

"So," Tony said casually, strolling over to take a spot on top of Kate's desk. He didn't like the silence between them, it felt off. The best thing to do was what he normally did, with a light tone. "About earlier, was that really you talking, or was it a twin or something?" he asked, humor in his voice.

Kate looked down, laughing and blushing. She looked up at him. "What?" she asked, smiling.

"I mean, _Kate Todd_, apologizing to _me?"_ he laughed in response.

Kate laughed, but her emotion turned serious the more she spoke. "I never tell you, Tony, but the reason I fight with you and make fun of everything you do is because..." Kate looked down at her desk, then up at him. "I know what you can do, Tony. You're a damn good agent."

Tony smiled at that. He got off of the desk, and strolled around the bullpen for a while, waiting for a few more people in the squadroom to leave.

"See ya, Probie," Tony said when McGee walked out of the bullpen. McGee turned around, his eyes shifting back and forth from him to Kate.

"See ya," he replied, and he continued walking, and eventually stepped into the elevator.

"Ya know, all of this is giving me a weird feeling," Tony said quietly, but not losing his normal tone. He stepped closer to the front of her desk.

Kate looked down. The same weird feeling she was going through. "Sorry."

Tony reclaimed his sitting position on her desk, and said casually, "No. Don't be." Kate looked at him to see him eyeing the far end of the squadroom.

It was taking a while for Gibbs to gather his things and leave, so Tony strolled back over to his desk. He switched his computer off, and bent over to grab his coat. When he stood back up, to his relief, Gibbs was swinging out of the bullpen.

Tony grinned as he walked back over to Kate's desk, and stretched out a hand.

"C'mon," he said, a smirk on his lips and his eyes icy.

Kate looked up, her coat and purse in hand.

"I've always like brunettes," Tony finished.

Her jaw dropped slightly, Kate smiled widely and took his hand. She came from behind her desk and walked out with him, wondering if Tony really was capable of more she was aware of.


End file.
